When You Don’t Feel Like It
Our daily lives are full of moments where we’re “not feelin’ it”. Moments where we’re not in the mood, don’t have the energy, aren’t excited, feel down, lack strength, or a host of other scenarios. Those moments where we might barely want to get out of bed, let alone take on other more significant tasks which await us.
How we handle these moments says a lot about us as individuals, and how we’re each willing to push through those initial “feelings” and get things done.
…don’t worry, we’re going to tie this back into marriage, I assure you!
Continuing this thought…I’m a huge fan of the mindsets taught by some of our elite military teams, specifically a Navy Seal vet named Jocko Willink. Jocko’s written several books, has a massively popular podcast, and does a host of speaking engagements in any and all industries. A video clip I absolutely love is his bit about “when I don’t feel like it”. I would encourage you to check it out. In fact, we had a hilarious moment while eating pizza a few Friday nights ago with our kids, when we showed this to them, and they each responded by impersonating Jocko, but injecting their own “tasks” that they should do when they don’t feel like it. It was a fun dinner conversation! Our middle child got very amped up and stated with intensity “when I don’t want to eat my vegetables…I EAT my vegetables!”. Truly hilarious.
But, let’s get to our marriages. What do you do when you don’t “feel it” with your spouse. When it seems hard to love them, hard to listen, hard to support their needs. What about these days? If we believe these days don’t exist, we disillusion ourselves. Those days may not have come for your marriage, great! But, they will. I assure you. Those difficult days WILL arrive and it’s best to be prepared for them. Most of you however, know exactly what I’m talking about.
I was at a luncheon yesterday, and the speaker was the founder & CEO of a large commercial cleaning company. As he was sharing the message with the audience, he referenced allowing Christ to work THROUGH us, as opposed to a dominant Christian viewpoint of living FOR Christ. One of these mindsets is “trying” to do our best, while the other is total submission to what God wants to do through us, in our lives.
A point was specifically made about allowing Christ to love our spouses THROUGH us. This was very powerful and resonated heavily with many of the men in attendance. Giving up on our own strength, to an extent, is the right way forward. In those moments where we feel we don’t have strength on our own to love our spouses or give them what they need, we need to rely on God to carry that for us.
This is a transformative moment as we put ourselves and the focus on our strength and abilities in the background, and rather, allow Christ to take over. He will provide that strength that you need to push through that moment. To show your spouse the love, support, or help they need from you. And in response, you will feel that burden of carrying those things lifted from your shoulders.
Yes, this is a mindset. Christ isn’t literally coming in and taking over, when you help extra with the kids. He isn’t doing chores around the house, or praying over your spouse when they need it. BUT, HE IS giving you the strength, the power, the stamina, and the ability to go through those exercises with a positive attitude, even though deep-down you may not feel up for it.
How do you allow Christ to love and work through you? It is imperative that you pray and ask Him to take over. You might pray like this, “God, I just don’t have the strength to love my spouse the way they need to be loved today, can you please help me? What can I do to love them? If I’m thinking or feeling anything that’s making it harder can you please remove those thoughts and calm those emotions? I submit to you and your authority in my life.”
God will then provide strength and insight into some things you can do. When He does, make the choice to obey. Prayer is powerful, and praying like this with a genuine heart will make all the difference. I say this with confidence because this is what Jamie and I both try our best to do when we aren’t “feelin’ it.”
We encourage you to try this mindset out this week. Allow Christ to work through you when you’re not “feeling it” and you may be amazed at how you find the will to keep going.