Master Valentine's Day with These 4 Relationship-Boosting Tips for Couples!
Ah yes, Valentine’s Day, the holiday everyone loves to hate…or is it hates to love? The over-commercialized, tacky-card selling, cliché-intoxicated, red-heart-obsessed mid-February treat.
Valentine’s Day brings on a wide range of emotions to us all. Some of you may have not even realized the day is almost here (been there done that). Some plan with excitement, spending a month’s worth of budget on one day of festivities and extravagance. And sadly, many are reminded of their singleness and loneliness (apparently code-named S.A.D.), and perhaps loathe this silly mid-winter day.
While indeed the holiday may be quite “manufactured”, it is still a day in which people have strong feelings about. And it’s likely this person is either your spouse or you.
Here are some key ways to enjoy the day with your partner, without losing your mind in the process:
1. Manage expectations!
Easier said than done, right? Everyone has expectations for this holiday. Even if you expect to do nothing and celebrate nada this year, it is still an expectation that you are bringing on your spouse or it’s been evoked on you. We ALL carry expectations of this day. Whether that means your wife is expecting a house full of flower pedals, balloons at work, or a little box of expensive jewelry, or neither of you are planning to do anything out of your normal Wednesday routine. Things can go sideways here so quickly. It is critical that we manage to our own and our spouses’ expectations for Valentine’s Day. After all, expectations can screw things up very quickly.
Fortunately, it’s an easy fix. Communication.
Ask questions. Probe a bit. Have some discussion around what makes sense for you and your spouse to do this year. By doing this, you can gain understanding of what your spouse might be looking forward to. And to clarify, this isn’t about avoiding a disaster or fight, but rather it’s so that you can enjoy your day, whether you like the holiday or not.
A lack of communication here can spell trouble and have the day or evening go awry. Great opportunity to get on the right page before the day arrives. And lastly, on expectations, keep them reasonable (you know who you are). Drop any “requirement” of elaborate extravagance of a weekday evening that no one can possibly live up to. It gets ridiculous.
2. Make it Fun
Maybe the heavy cheesy romance isn’t your thing. Who cares. Make the day special for each of you. This may differ for every couple and maybe even each spouse. My idea of a nice Valentine’s Day isn’t a back massage and a rom-com per se, but what is enjoyable to me is making my wife feel special. And her idea of a fun evening isn’t a house full of confetti that she’d later hate having to clean out of every crevice in the kitchen, but rather spending quality time with me over a nice meal at home. The point is, know what your makes your partner tick and have fun with it. Who cares what’s trending in social media, or how some celebrity spends their lavish (and fake) Valentine’s Day. What matters is spending time together and enjoying the day. Take the pressure off and just have fun together.
On this topic, here’s a suggestion – we are a huge believers of reliving memories, so one habit we do often is a look back through old photos. It could be a date on your first Valentine’s Day together that you talk about, or looking through photos or memories of a past trip. Great chance to rekindle the love you have for one another.
3. Drop the lame excuses
We have kids. We don’t have time. I’m tired. I worked all day. We’re trying to save money. LAME. Kids don’t ruin things, stop thinking they do. Do you need to work around them? Yes. But this shouldn’t be a full stop to any sort of romantic evening. Most people work and are tired at the end of the day, just embrace it. Take-out, a board game over dessert, popcorn and a romantic comedy, talking about your day over a bottle of wine and some good conversation. These are romantic things to do that are easy and even cheap! It’s the effort that matters. And a good reminder of our first point – ensuring you and your spouse are feeling the same way about this is crucial. Expectations matter.
4. Spice it up!
When you spend so much time and energy trying to make things special for your spouse, you can truly enjoy more intimate moments together. And yes, this means emotionally, physically, and sexually. When you make the time to love one another, and have these moments of connection, closeness, and conversation, you can naturally move towards amazing sexual intimacy as well. It’s so important that this is NOT the primary emphasis, as culture and media often make it out to be. Opposingly, don’t let this become the only reason to have sex in an otherwise minimally sexually active marriage. Treat this day as a chance to invest a bit more romance and intimacy into your marriage.
We hope you see Valentine’s Day as a chance to break up the week, have some fun, spark some romance and sensuality in your marriage and come out of it more in love and refreshed. Don’t let the marketing and messaging get to you. Just embrace it and have a great time with your spouse!