Want a Closer Marriage? Go Deep Spiritually

What is it exactly that makes some relationships incredible. That “spark” so often seen (and definitely over-dramatized) in the movies and shows we watch. The incredible compatibility of two partners. An unshakeable bond. An intense romantic connection. This visualization, combined, of course, with our own perceptions, emphasizes very specific aspects of relational compatibility. That connection and spark is what we all desire in our own relationship.  

These perceived traits of compatibility often center around: personality traits, shared interests and hobbies, and of course, physical attraction.

Some of these things are fine, and more than likely played a role in you and your spouse first coming together in your romantic relationship. But, as a believer in Christ, what about spiritual connection?

Nearly all of these items mentioned are far secondary to spiritual connectedness.

The depth of marriage can be immensely more incredible when there is a shared spiritual bond. When each spouse is intentionally pursuing their own relationship with God, this makes its way into the marriage and creates a depth otherwise not understood. THIS is what God desires by the way. He wants us to make Him the center of our lives. And in doing this, we find that it draws us into our marriages.

I’ve heard a visual representation of this as a triangle, with a spouse at each of the two base corners and God at the point on top. As these spouses draw near to God, they are also getting closer to each other. I think there’s some truth in this.

Conversely, when two spouses are NOT spiritually connected, the marriage is robbed of true closeness. Not that a happy marriage cannot occur, but only that it will never be able to experience the true depth and closeness that it could. 

What may happen next, is that one or both spouses will need to stifle their spiritual journey. Or in severe cases the relationship will not continue, as this indifference becomes too much to handle.

Reading this may create skepticism or disbelief at that statement. Let me clarify, I am not claiming two people of different religious beliefs cannot be married, but as the post title indicates – what I am saying is that the depth of intimacy and connection will not be what it could be.  

And while it may be a bold statement, I strongly believe this is true.  

IF you want to truly deepen your marriage, it is essential that you find common ground on your spirituality. Not only find the common ground, but commit to growing in your faith together.

An unshared spiritual connection creates a despair only those who are walking in this can know.  One spouse eager to share what they are learning in Gods’ Word. One spouse indifferent. One looking to connect with other believers in a community, the other disinterested. A spouse desperate to call out to God in prayer and draw nearer to him, the other seeing no point in prayer (or perhaps even agnostic about God). These may be extreme examples, however, this paints the irrefutable picture that a closeness between these two partners cannot be fully experienced. This is NOT the marriage God created for us to have. A marriage that is thriving. One that has depth of closeness and connection. A marriage that is intimate and energized. 

While on the topic of intimacy…yes, it’s true, spiritual intimacy can lay a foundation for deeper sexual intimacy. Citing a University of Nebraska study, “If a couple can achieve both sexual intimacy, which is relatively easy, and emotional intimacy, which is relatively difficult to achieve, a strong and enduring bond is likely to be developing between the partners.” Emotional intimacy, as the study continues, is most closely aligned to spirituality.

Going a step further, many Christian women share that they find their husbands more attractive as they become the spiritual leaders in their marriage - the way God intended them to be. When this depth of spiritual growth occurs, marital closeness follows, which is often then associated with intimacy. Few things are more attractive to a Christian woman than her husband pursing a life of holiness and connection with God. Why might this be the case? Because alongside the spiritual growth, many associated feelings increase as a byproduct, including: safety, security, admiration, love, respect, closeness, all of which lead to a healthier and more satisfying sex life. Not that better sexual intimacy should be the goal of pursuing God, but this is certainly an added bonus!  

If you’re still skeptical of the claims made here about the impact of spiritual closeness, let’s think for a moment about where a LACK of spiritual agreement might create a gap in your marriage:

·      Sharing spiritual experiences

·      Prayer (or lack of)

·      Worship through music

·      Giving and generosity

·      Serving and volunteerism

·      Reading and studying the Bible

·      Alignment on teaching children

·      Parenting

If two people are in misalignment on these key areas, true closeness will lack.

Suggestions:

·      Sit down with your spouse and discuss your current “spiritual state.”

·      Talk about where you’re in alignment and where you’re not.

·      Share desires you each may have about where improvements need to take place.

 If you both agree to work on a spiritual closeness, talk about where you each would like to be, and how you can get there, together. Above all, be honest.

As believers, if you truly love one another and love God, you should make the EASY choice to prioritize this critical aspect of a Christian marriage. Find an older couple who has this spiritual depth and ask them to mentor you. Start praying together and asking God what He wants your marriage to be like spiritually. Each of you should strongly consider finding a mentor to meet with regularly to grow in your faith as well. All of these things have made ALL the difference for Chris and I.

Your marriage closeness can develop and grow more than you ever thought possible!