Part 2 - Response: 1/3 of Adults Unmarried
Last week we shared an article on some recent studies done which revealed that 1/3 of adults (cited in a Japan Times article) are unmarried. We shared a few thoughts as to some possible causes for this marriage downtrend, as the outlook in the US is similar. We noted that the more popular reasons for remaining unmarried are based in perceived financial risk and hefty time commitment in selecting a partner.
In response to the article, we want to counter with some points of optimism towards marriage:
1. True love. Ok vague, right? But seriously, consider that marriage is the truest form of love (put well here by Viola Davis). Marriage is two people, falling in love with one another DESPITE flaws, mistakes, issues, hang-ups, and hurts. Taking not just the good but the bad. Then committing to one another for a lifetime. Choosing daily to live selflessly. For. A. Long. Time. Marriage isn’t a summer crush. It isn’t a fling (no offense those that married in Vegas – good luck!). Marriage isn’t a 7-year deal. Or a 27-year deal. Marriage isn’t a stay-together-for-the-kids thing. IF both parties take their wedding vows seriously, marriage is lifelong true love.
2. Companionship. We all need it. Companionship is one of the most basic needs we have as humans. We seek personal connection with others. It’s essential to what makes us human. To communicate with one another, to laugh, cry, share in moments together. This is natural to us as a species. God created us FOR relationships. And make no mistake, friendships, no matter how great, will NEVER supplement for a marriage partner. Roommates are no substitute for sharing your life with someone. And romantically, today’s popularity of swapping marriage for short-term relationships are exactly that. Short-term. Sounds unfulfilling. Lifelong companionship is where it’s at!
3. Self-development. Most people don’t naturally associate marriage with self-development. In fact, many would consider marriage as a success killer for the motivated young person. If you want to achieve your dreams and be all you can be, DON’T get married, and for sure don’t have kids. Isn’t this often a message? But, imagine having someone next to you cheering you on, sharing in your accomplishments, wishing you to succeed. And doing the same for that other person. Marriage can round you out individually and will develop and improve in ways you didn’t think possible.
4. Building a legacy. Building a family with a spouse is the most incredible thing we can do as humans. It sounds so basic and natural, but it’s true. For millennia our ancestors have settled their part of the world, lived a good life, and multiplied into the next generation. It’s why we’re all here, after-all. Our parents each chose to have us. Shocker I know. So, basic or not, sharing love with your spouse and passing this on to the next generation is, yes, basic. But it’s human nature. And besides the natural order part, building a family is truly amazing. Investing in your family and living a full life with them is an incredible gift.
5. Drawing near to Christ. During Christ’s ministry on earth, He demonstrated such love and selflessness for others. Putting Himself second, every single time, and becoming a true servant leader. God’s Word makes multiple cases for the importance of a husband and wife, as demonstrating utmost glory to God in the closeness and beauty of a marriage. When we live full healthy marriages, and devote ourselves to our spouse, we give God glory and honor Him.
6. The Lie of Singleness. Lastly, our society will tell young adults that singleness is fulfilling, untethered, amazing, and the way to truly experience your 20’s and 30’s. This is a lie. Avoiding marriage because you know people who are divorced or unhappily married is not a great reason to make this decision. And statistically, most people (or at least 83% of millennials surveyed) still desire marriage eventually. Doesn’t this fact contradict the very argument against getting married to begin with? Don’t get fooled into the short-term mindset of single adulthood.
And to clarify, we are not referring to singleness due to not having found your partner yet. Many are really struggling in their singleness and praying for a spouse. We have compassion for you and pray God blesses you with a beautiful marriage. What we are addressing in this post is the idea that singleness is preferable to marriage, and that being single provides more benefits and fulfillment than being married. Of course, God does call some to a life of a singleness, but this differs from the point made here.
Closing fact (from Captain Obvious): Marriage isn’t perfect. Far from it. It’s full with challenges, struggles, and tough times. But so is everything else that’s actually worth our time and energy. Committing to your spouse and working hard to make your relationship the best you possibly can is well worth it. Don’t add to the statistics-in-the-making by avoiding marriage, only to wish you had later.