How to Reflect on the Past Year: A 2025 New Year's Guide for Couples
As we welcome in a new year (let’s go 2025!) and put to rest the old, we all often find ourselves swept up in the hustle of holiday festivities, family gatherings, and planning for the future. However, amidst all this busyness (and adjusting back to routine in the new year), don’t miss the chance to pause and reflect on the past 12 months. This process of reflection is more than just a nostalgic trip down memory lane; it’s an essential exercise that can strengthen your marriage, foster gratitude, and provide clarity for the year ahead.
Let’s walk you through how you and your spouse can reflect on the past year together in a meaningful and structured way.
But first…
Why Reflecting on the Past Year Matters
Reflecting on the past year CANNOT be over-emphasized. If you do nothing else from this post, make sure to prioritize this step. Taking time to review the key areas of your life over the past year is essential for several reasons:
Reset your mind: Reflection allows you to clear mental clutter and approach the new year with a fresh perspective.
Fosters gratitude: By looking back at your achievements and blessings, you can appreciate what you have, a crucial component for emotional well-being, especially in your marriage.
Encourages balance: Life can be busy and overwhelming. Reflecting helps you identify areas where you need to slow down and find balance.
Strengthens your relationship: When done together, reflection can deepen your connection as a couple, deepening communication and shared understanding.
And by the way, this process doesn’t have to be complicated or time-consuming. There’s no right or wrong way to reflect on the past year—the key is simply to do it.
How to Structure Your Year-End Reflection
Jamie and I have found a model that works for us. It’s simple, easy and effective. Whether you use our 3-step reflection, or come up with one on your own, I’m confident the process itself will be worthwhile. What we believe works naturally well is to structure conversation into three categories: Blessings, Achievements, and Improvements. This simple structure helps ensure that you cover the most meaningful aspects of your year (and your relationship) without getting lost in endless details. Here’s how to approach each category:
1. Blessings: Recognizing the GOOD!
Start by discussing the blessings you experienced over the past year. These are the moments and things that brought joy, fulfillment, and a sense of gratitude to your lives.
Questions to guide your conversation:
What has God blessed you with in the year?
What were the highlights?
What unexpected benefits came your way?
What are you most grateful for in your relationship?
Example topics to discuss:
Special trips or vacations
New friendships or strengthened relationships
Personal or professional growth
Health improvements
Action step: Write down 3-5 specific blessings from the past year. But, make sure to share why these moments were significant to you. For example, instead of simply listing “our vacation to the mountains,” share what made that trip special: “Our vacation to the mountains was a blessing because we reconnected as a couple, tried new experiences together, and made unforgettable memories.”
Side-note: you may be tempted to just talk through these and not write them down. I would strongly urge you to stick with the plan and write them out. And here’s why…as you do this year after year, you will have your lists from prior years. I cannot even tell you the joy and happiness that comes from looking back through your prior years. We simply update a Word doc, and have it shared in our Family iCloud, which we reference during these discussions. It’s absolutely amazing to see all that God does year after year after year in our marriage and our family. Looking back at blessings 3 years, 5 years, 7 years and so on gives incredible perspective on your life as well as provides great shared moments with your spouse. Do. Not. Skip. This.
2. Achievements: Celebrating Your Wins
Next, take time to celebrate your achievements. These are the goals you accomplished, big or small, that made you feel proud and successful. Try to focus (or balance) them between your personal achievements, your spouses’, and yours together as a couple. But find what works best for you two.
Questions to guide your conversation:
What personal or professional goals did you achieve?
What goals did you set last year that you’ve accomplished?
Did you reach any milestones in your relationship?
What challenges did you overcome?
Example topics to discuss:
Career advancements
Personal fitness goals
Financial milestones
Parenting successes
Action step: Write down 3-5 key achievements from the past year. Acknowledge each other’s successes and celebrate them together. Remember, achievements don’t have to be grand to be meaningful—even small wins deserve recognition.
Notice a few key phrases there. Acknowledging each other’s success. Read that again. And then celebrate!
3. Improvements: Identifying Areas for Growth
Finally, discuss the areas where you can improve. This isn’t about dwelling on mistakes or shortcomings, but rather identifying opportunities for growth and setting intentions for the new year. Hopefully obvious…you might be able to turn some of these improvements into goals for the year ahead.
Questions to guide your conversation:
What areas of our relationship could use more attention?
What habits or behaviors would we like to change (or give-up)?
How can we better support each other in the coming year?
Did we have any failures that could have been avoided?
Example topics to discuss:
Balancing work and family life
Bad habits
Time management
Emotional support and understanding
Again, don’t dwell on the negative, so turn it into a positive. It’s all in perspective. Without looking at the improvements we don’t have a good launch point for the new year, which is essential in your marriage.
Action step: Write down 3-5 areas for improvement. Be honest but gentle with each other. Frame your improvements as opportunities to grow together, rather than pointing out flaws. In fact, this isn’t really the place for individual focus, but more on you as a couple (but again, tailor this for your conversation). For example, one of our improvements this year was dating more often. We did a bad job of that last year, so it made the improvements list. We are going to turn this into the goal of a date night out every 6 weeks.
Tips for a Successful Year-End Reflection
1. Schedule Dedicated Time
Don’t try to squeeze your reflection conversation into a busy day. Schedule a dedicated time for it, preferably when you’re both relaxed and free from distractions. One suggestion might be turning this process into a special date night. Grab some takeout or snack and drink of your choice, get out your notebooks (or your phones) to take down your notes. But point is, plan in advance. This requires some thought so be sure you put in “the work” before your discussion.
2. Create the Right Environment
Ensure that your reflection conversation feels upbeat. This should NOT have any negative laced in it all. I hope that goes without saying, but in case not – this is not a self-improvement hate-fest. This is meant to be an all-positive, direction-setting, optimism-led discussion about your relationship and where you’re headed in the new year. Keep the discussion filled with kindness, empathy, and a genuine desire to grow together. Avoid judgment or criticism.
3. Take Notes
Write down your reflections and insights. This can be as simple as jotting down bullet points in a notebook or creating a shared document (our vibe!). Keeping a record allows you to revisit your reflections throughout the year and see how far you’ve come.
4. Be Flexible
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to reflection. Feel free to adapt the process to suit your needs. For example, you might prefer to reflect over several shorter conversations rather than one long session. The key is to make it your own. Can’t stress this enough. It’s doing it that’s the most important.
5. End with Gratitude, a Plan, & PRAYER
Conclude your reflection conversation by expressing gratitude for each other, praying over God’s blessings in your life, and setting intentions for the new year. Share what you’re looking forward to in the year ahead and how you plan to support each other in achieving your goals.
Final Thoughts
Reflecting on the past year as a couple is a powerful way to strengthen your relationship and set the stage for a fulfilling new year. By reviewing your blessings, achievements, and areas for improvement, you can foster gratitude, celebrate your successes, and identify opportunities for growth.
Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to do this. The most important thing is to make time for it and approach it with an open heart and mind. So, grab your partner, find a cozy spot, and start reflecting on the year past. Here’s to a new year filled with love, growth, and endless possibilities!