Jealous Towards Your Spouse?

I recently heard somebody say that jealousy can be a good thing in marriage. I tend to disagree and I will share why. In my professional opinion I believe jealousy is an indication that something isn’t quite right.  

Let’s break down two specific things that could be going on to cause jealousy in your marriage and what to do about them.

1. Linked to the past

If you regularly experience jealousy in your marriage you could be dealing with an internal issue. It could be that you experienced a painful situation in the past that isn’t fully resolved. For example, maybe your parents we’re unfaithful, or maybe you had a previous relationship with infidelity or abandonment. Things like this can leave a painful mark that make it difficult to trust.

Your struggles might be of a different nature as well. Perhaps you struggled to make friends as a kid or believed your siblings were more loved than you. Left unresolved this could lead to fear of abandonment and jealousy when your spouse spends time with their friends or family members. If you find yourself suspicious and jealous when there isn’t a good reason to be this indicates past pain that is not healed or dysfunctional thinking patterns. Again, this is an internal issue that needs to be addressed.

2. Rooted in Inappropriate behavior

Another potential reason for jealousy in marriage is inappropriate behavior on the part of your spouse. This is not something you want to ignore, rather something to address head on. Some examples of inappropriate behavior may include being secretive about where they are going or what they are doing on their devices, spending too much time with a coworker, sharing their burdens with someone other than you frequently, talking to a parent in excess, spending excessive amounts of time with friends rather than with you. These are just a few examples.

If your spouse calls their mom or a friend first when an issue arises rather than discuss it with you, this is an issue. You should be your spouse’s primary support. Check yourself here if this is you. It could be that you have not made yourself available emotionally for your spouse and they feel the need to go to someone else with their struggles. This is an open door to inappropriate behavior on their part, AND jealousy on your part. If your spouse wants to spend all of their free time with friends and none or little of it with you, this is an issue.  

If your spouse is secretive or getting too close to a coworker or opposite sex friend this should not be ignored. There is often fear here regarding what you might find out, but the reality is you have to address it.

Bottom line, don’t ignore jealous feelings or write them off as no big deal. Address them. Determine if the problem is you, or your spouse's inappropriate behavior.

Next, make a conscious choice to confront. Be honest and open with yourself and your spouse and work toward a solution. If the problem is you, take active steps toward healing the root of the issue so you can move forward in freedom and healing.

If the problem is your spouse confront the issue head on. This is the only way change can happen, and you can do it!