6 Marriage Tips to Starting the New Year with a Bang!
The New Year. 2024. Remarkable how those last few weeks always fly by and we’re starting a new year. This time of year always sparks a host of different responses. Some of you have likely planned, prepped, and acclimated to the new year before it even arrived – eager to get started on something new, to start accomplishing your goals and get back to the grind post-holidays. Others, perhaps, not so much. Looking at the new year ahead with dread and relishing in every last bit of the weening holiday season. Slow to take down decorations, pumping Christmas music for at least a few more weeks, and generally enjoying a slow start to the year. Different strokes for different folks, right? Certainly neither extreme is any better than the other, and our approach to new years is perfectly personal.
However, it is fact that while it’s technically “just” a calendar reset and a date change, nothing more, the roll-over into a new year does invoke feelings and sentiments. New Year Resolutions abound, and gym memberships sales go through the roof as people scramble to get to the new year’s diet and exercise resolutions. For those who don’t set New Year Resolutions – you scoff at the pathetic attempts of others to create change for themselves thinking them likely to fail (over 80% of resolutions fail!), and others of you, dive into the new year with a slew of resolutions hoping you may keep one into March.
Regardless of your opinions on the New Year, there are without a doubt, incredible things that you can do with your spouse to set your marriage up for success in the year ahead…
1. Reflect on prior year
Reflecting on the past year CANNOT be over-emphasized. If you do nothing else below, do this one. Reflecting on the year behind is an incredible way to review key areas of our lives in a meaningful way. This is essential to reset your mind, embrace true gratitude, find a balance in the busyness of life, and in general become more contemplative of your life and marriage. Reflecting and discussing with your partner the meaningful milestones of the past 12 months, the fun moments, the disappointing ones. The things you each achieved, the areas where you found true happiness and blessing, and certainly, also the areas you need to improve. Having a mindset of annual “review” is critical. There is NO right or wrong way to do this. The point is to just do it. And while we certainly would advocate heavily for doing this individually as well, our point to make here is that this is to be done as spouses.
If you need a suggestion, the way Jamie and I tackle this for the past several years now, is to sit down and discuss our past year in 3 categories: 1) Blessings, 2) Achievements, 3) Improvements. We have an open conversation and end with 3-5 things in each of those 3 categories. That’s it. Super simple. Takes as much time as you want it to take. Make this your own. Do what works best for you and your spouse.
2. Set goals
There is a saying you may have heard that “failing to plan is planning to fail.” While this certainly may pertain mostly to athletic teams, organizations, and businesses, we can certainly draw SOME correlation to our marriages. If we don’t at least set out some framework of success in the year ahead, how can we ensure a good year? Good can certainly come without planning, but how much better to collaborate with your husband or wife, and create some new goals for yourselves as a couple, and share in the joy of seeing them achieved throughout the year. If you’re an individual who struggles to set goals, no worries! A great way to start is by refreshing yourself on SMART goals, to ensure they’re “doable”.
If you’re one that likes to follow an outline, you could certainly frame your goals into categories such as the 5 F’s of: Faith, Family, Friends, Fitness, & Finances.
3. Create good habits
The idea of creating habits has been a huge game-changer for me (Chris) after reading a very enlightening post a few years ago. This article radically changed my mindset, as I’ve always been a huge goal-setter. But, I had begun noticing that the goals were either too vague, not difficult enough, too difficult, and even more specifically, I struggled with knowing what to “pick”. Habits are the things that get you to the goal. Think about it this way. If you want to lose 15 pounds this year, that’s a great goal. However, if you don’t set and create good habits, and then stick to them, you won’t hit the goal. One could argue that the habits are far more important. Habits are the driving force to accomplishing anything. Try this in 2024 as spouses. Set habits and routines for yourselves as a couple, and watch the spark grow! Say you want to create a specific habit of eating more meals together as a family, exercising with your spouse three times a week, getting up earlier on weekdays. You get the point. Find the mutual routines you can build together. This is exciting and fuels you more than your annual goals.
4. Establish accountability
Confession: Jamie and I REALLY struggle with this one. Setting the goals, building the habits, having the conversations around the January 1st date, fine. Following up and setting check-ins to see how we’re doing on our goals – not so much. Building in routine conversations and monthly or quarterly reminders for your goals is so critical. It’s hard, no doubt. Pulling yourselves out of your schedules into a check-in on your goals as a couple may feel too formal or awkward for you. That’s okay. It does for us too. But an occasional conversation (and course correction where needed) is vital to ensure that you stay on track with your goals. Now hold us accountable to do this too! 😉
5. Set milestones for FUN
If you’ve read our book then you know how BIG Jamie and I are on having FUN in your marriage. It’s a big deal to us, and we are unashamed about how we approach the importance of 1) finding, 2) keeping, and 3) recreating often, moments of fun in your relationship. This is vital for the success of a long-term marriage. As the New Year rolls in, it is very tempting to immediately get sucked into busyness again. Kids are back at school, work picks right up where it left off, and the fun of the holiday festivities feel long-gone. Don’t let this happen. Jump on your “next” plan for some fun as soon as possible. You might think this sounds unrealistic, but I’m serious. Look at your calendar while the year is still fresh and get some things on the calendar. Plan some dates with your spouse, schedule some options for family vacations, building a long weekend get-away 1:1, etc. By looking ahead, you naturally get yourself into a mindset of healthy anticipation. The grey winter you’re in the middle of right now, suddenly won’t look so bleak when you have your mid-June beach vacation already planned for. That evening out with you wife in mid-February will take the edge off the budget planning cycle you’re in at work. It’s these little (or big) fun things that keep you focused and hard at work, while providing that expectancy of fun with your spouse.
6. Be present
Last but not least, just work on being present. This one almost speaks for itself. Jamie made this suggestion and it’s such a great one. We’re never guaranteed another day, let alone another year. Being present with our loved ones, and enjoying each day for what it is, and making the most of it, is a great mantra to live by. Show up for your spouse each day this year. Be committed to that. Be the father, mother, husband, wife, that you want to be. Day in and day out.
Give these easy 6 tips a shot and you’ll find yourselves setup well for an incredible year. Here's to an amazing 2024! Happy New Year!