18 Ways to Have an Awful Marriage
As we launch our Bold Marriage blog, we want to be very clear that our stance on marriage goes directly against what our culture is pushing right now…
Avoid marriage like the plague. Don’t waste your time, money, or life on a spouse. Never settle down and have a family. Antiquated relationships are foolish and irrelevant in our culture today. Married people are miserable. These are some of the more mild messages being cascaded across social media and TV personalities.
And obviously they’re quite convincing as marriages themselves are seeing lower rates, continue to hover around a 42% divorce rate, an increasing age of wedlock, and disinterest in marital relationships amongst Millenials & Gen Z.
With current culture in mind, here are 18 ways to have an awful marriage. Let’s jump in!
1. Be as selfish as possible – it’s all about you anyways, right!?
We can get packages within 12 hours, our customized coffee drinks without getting out of the car, and our groceries without needing to leave the house. We owe it to ourselves to get the same level of convenient treatment from our partners!
2. Never say sorry – you didn’t do anything wrong
Being sorry is for the weak. Unapologetic is the new strong. Double-down on your strong personality and let others around you crumble.
3. Eliminate God from your relationship
Follow God in your own life, if you choose, but what can God and His Word really do for your marriage? Best to let each spouse follow on their own.
4. Avoid talking about hard things
Relationships are hard enough as it is. Don’t make it more uncomfortable by conflict. Things will pass if you let it go, and besides, you can always leave.
5. Make everything about your kids
Kids are demanding and you don’t have the time to care for your children and invest in your relationship. Just focus on the needs of the kids, the other stuff isn’t a big deal.
6. Do whatever makes you happy
Life is really about our happiness anyway. Whatever that may be. Who really cares about anyone else’s happiness…it’s about YOU!
7. Let your past define your relationship
The past really does cling to us. Everyone knows this. Haven’t you seen the Christmas Carol!? Those chains aren’t going anywhere, so just embrace it and carry on.
8. Pay attention to marital stereotypes
Stereotypes can really help define your relationship, and fit you into a mold. What could possibly go wrong?
9. Repeat mistakes you’ve observed
I mean, where’s the fun in learning from mistakes.
10. Watch porn without remorse
If it makes you feel good and you enjoy it, do it. Everyone watches it anyways, right? What’s the problem with lusting after someone not your spouse?
11. Make sex about your pleasure only
Sex, like other things in life, should be focused on you. Your spouse is there to provide for your sexual enjoyment after all. Sounds like fun!
12. Don’t date anymore
Dating is for exactly that – when you’re dating. Once you tie-the-knot, life changes…and who has time to go on dates? Let your busy lives be enough.
13. Be heavily influenced by social media
Influencers. The most honest types of people. They’re beaming with solid life advice, and that uber-popular 32-year old single person - they absolutely have marital wisdom just for you.
14. Don’t do anything you don’t feel like doing
Like we said above, do what makes you feel good, certainly not the things that don’t. Your spouse can pick up the slack, but not you.
15. Only see a counselor as a last resort
Marriage counseling – how embarrassing, who does that? Better to bury the problems and feelings and see what happens. You got this yourself!
16. Try to change your partner
Give it time to work your magic on your partner. You married them for their potential anyways. They’d be SO much better if only…
17. Self-awareness!? Over-rated!
I don’t even know what self-awareness really means within marriage, and who likes to see their bad side. Positive vibes only!
18. Believe your marriage won’t get better
The results speak for themselves, and besides, your friends aren’t all that happily married either. It is what it is. All good!
Okay, okay, clearly obvious that this post was meant as a satire. But in all seriousness, this is the nonsense that’s being pushed at us every single day. Whether we know it or not, these views can intrude into our subconscious quite easily if we’re not careful. Funny, though, isn’t it, how ridiculous these views are when said more directly or even mildly exaggerated.
No one (hopefully) would ever read these in this manner and agree. And that’s the point. The danger of these subtleties above are not always obvious. They’re cloaked by supposedly well-intentioned (or not?) media personalities or the rich and the famous. These mindsets are then played out for young adults to latch onto, or to seed lies into the minds of married couples.
If we’re not careful, and on guard for our marriages, we can slip into the temptation of believing these things. And then even allowing them to slowly leak into our relationship. This is where the toxicity begins.
Our hope was to poke some fun, sure, but to the point of encouraging us all to be clear-minded and protect our marriage from these cultural views. Read over them and really think hard about which ones you may be unknowingly allowing to influence your life. Work towards changing for a healthier mindset in your relationship.